Going all the way...or not

Going all the way... or not

Sex is a big deal - on top of all of the emotional and relationship stuff - there's STIs and unplanned pregnancy to worry about!

If you want to take things further in your relationship, you don't have to go all the way!

Learning about your own and your partners body before you have full sex is a good way to work out what you both do and don't like. And there's less chance of getting pregnant or catching a STI.

Taking things slowly can also help you decide if you are ready to go all the way, help you develop a trusting relationship together and give you more time to think about contraception or practice using condoms before you really need them!

Consent

Consent is actually a pretty simple concept: whoever you are initiating sexy times with, just make sure they are actually genuinely up for it.

 

If you are struggling to understand what it means, just imagine instead of initiating sex, you’re making your partner a cup of hot chocolate.

 

You say, “Hey, would you like a hot chocolate?” and they go, “OMG, yes, I would defo LOVE a hot chocolate thank you!” Then you know they want a hot chocolate.

 

If you say, “Hey, would you like a hot chocolate?” and they um and ah and say, “I’m not really sure…” then you can make them a hot chocolate or not, but be aware that they might not drink it, and if they don’t drink it, then - this is the most important bit — don’t make them drink it. You can’t blame them for you going to the effort of making the hot chocolate on the off chance they might want it; you just have to deal with them not drinking it. Just because you made it that doesn’t mean you are entitled to watch them drink it.

 

If they say “No, thank you” then don’t make them hot chocolate.  Don’t make them hot chocolate, don’t make them drink hot chocolate and don’t get annoyed at them for not wanting hot chocolate. They just don’t want hot chocolate!

 

They might say, “Yes, please, that’s kind of you,” and then when the hot chocolate arrives they actually don’t want it at all. Sure, that’s kind of annoying as you’ve gone to the effort of making the hot chocolate, but they remain under no obligation to drink it. They did want hot chocolate, now they don’t. Sometimes people change their mind in the time it takes to boil the kettle, add the powder and then the milk. It is okay for people to change their mind, and you are still not entitled to watch them drink it even though you went to the trouble of making it.

 

If they are unconscious, don’t make them hot chocolate. Unconscious people can’t answer the question, “Do you want hot chocolate?” because they are unconscious.

 

If someone said yes to hot chocolate, started drinking it and then passed out before they’d finished it, don’t keep on pouring it down their throat. Take the hot chocolate away and make sure they are safe.

 

If someone said “yes” to hot chocolate around your house last Saturday, that doesn’t mean that they want you to make them hot chocolate all the time. They don’t want you to come around unexpectedly to their place and make them hot chocolate and force them to drink it going, “BUT YOU WANTED HOT CHOCOLATE LAST WEEK,” or to wake up to find you pouring hot chocolate down their throat going “BUT YOU WANTED HOT CHOCOLATE LAST NIGHT.”

 

So do you get it?  Understanding what consent means is easy really……make sure you get it and give it everytime!

 

 

(adapted from a quote by Rockstar Dinosaur Pirate Princess, 2015)